the over sexualization and shaming of women’s breasts in our society has really been getting to me these last few months. as women, we all have different experiences and stories of how being a woman has effected us. here’s mine;
everything about me is small, my breasts are no different. I remember being teased I was jealous of the wall, and feeling like I was less of a woman because of my size. the girls who develop sooner and larger are always more popular, and I never really felt like I fit in.
Flash forward to becoming a mother and my breasts swelled practically overnight to a size so foreign and uncomfortable to me I was completely caught off guard. In the midst of trying to learn to breastfeed a jaundice newborn I developed painful mastitis on several occasions which together ultimately lead me to become an exclusive pumping mother.
now, for any mother who has felt shamed for breastfeeding in public, imagine needing to pump in public in order to be able to go out. pumping in a public washroom and keeping everything sterile? yeah right. so we stayed home. the only time I recall pumping in public was at my grandmothers funeral in the priests office, and crying as I pumped alone and isolated at a time when I was so fragile. I sunk deeper and deeper into a severe postpartum depression. now, I’m not saying the isolation of pumping exclusively and staying home was the cause of my ppd, but it certainly didn’t help the situation. I felt like I knew no one who could relate to me. all the moms I knew breastfed.
the same scenario happened again for my second girl and I never did get to experience breastfeeding like I always wanted to. the freedom it provided to be able to go anywhere with your babe close to feed. I lasted a year with each girl, then desperate to get out and go places again, transitioned away from my pumped milk for the girls.
I’m so thankful for the supply I had and what my little breasts became when I needed them most. never in my life have I appreciated and adored them like it do now. size does not matter. I proved that. and now I am left with almost nothing, even smaller than before. (Continued in comments)