10:30 am on a Saturday morning, I have not slept well, but I am not sleepy. I am a bit tired..weird kind of fatigue..all pervasive and internal lethargy...as if this is my normal energy level. Hardly any energy, body aching silently all over..and brain tired. But I look normal, to an outsider, even to myself. I look good and am dressed up to meet a friend who is visiting my city. He had to really really cajole me to meet him. I am glad he did. Although it takes a lot of physical energy, am happy to be out for a few hours and to meet a friend and his family.
And this is my daily reality on many if not most days.
I think I will give medication a try.
But the good thing is, I am not anxious. When I was with my ex and in my last job, I was always anxious coz the abuse and uncertainty were just too much. The anxiety disappeared within months of those two abusive relationships ending.
Now, that I am beginning to accept that I may be suffering from depression..actually for many many years...functional depression... a little voice inside me sees the light at the end of the tunnel!
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