Day 13 #movember Mark Frankham aka @themarkmethod
It's been almost 10 years since I first contemplated suicide.
At the young age of 14 these thoughts started. It wasn't ever due to a bad day or things not going right, it was random & it was frequent.
I'd be in my element walking home from school listening to my MP3 player, then I'd see a car heading my way to drive past me and I'd think "all it would take is just a couple of quick steps into the road". I'd be walking home from a friend’s house, have to go over a bridge that overlooks a dual carriageway and think "I could climb over that, after that it's just simply let go". I'd be washing some dishes then find a long & sharp knife, "all it would take is one quick thrust in my chest"
To this day: I've never been diagnosed with anything, I've never taken any medication for whatever it is & very few people know about these thoughts, not even my family know.
Those friends that know about it were shocked when I spoke to them as in their words “but you’re a happy guy! Always smiling” which is what made it so hard to speak to people about in the first place as it didn’t even make sense to me.
I knew these thoughts were not right quite soon after they started and I knew I needed to do something about it. But at the time I was already being bullied in school and didn't need another label kids could use against me & I didn't want to feel like a burden on my family.
Each and every single time these thoughts would happen, I'd then spend a great length of time thinking about my funeral if I had gone ahead with it, who would be there, who it would impact and whether they deserved for me to do that to them.
I used to think I was weak for not going through with any kind of self-harm but it was as I learned more and more about mental health that I discovered it's probably one of the strongest (some times daily) things I've resisted against.
Continued below... #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mindset #suicide #growamo #malehealth #change #transformation #health #healthy #coach #helpsomeone #calm