#cantmakethisshitup

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#cantmakethisshitup#lolbutsoserious#CantMakeThisShitUp#siblings#cantmakethisup#ctfu#wow#shoplife#allswellthatendswell#hilarious#ignorance#bigotry#shebroughtthehandcuffsback#reallife#truestory#dreamers#fml#facts#life#greatstuff#professional#newsanchor#makingfriends#arcadefire#boston#interbred#gotmilk#theoffice

Hashtags #cantmakethisshitup for Instagram

Who the fuck would do this to someone!!
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RATCHABURI — It seemed like just another alcohol-soaked karaoke rager for a Ratchaburi mechanic, only this time he blacked out and woke to find his penis was no longer there.

The man, identified only as Suwit, woke up in the emergency room of a Ratchaburi hospital Sunday with serious injuries including a severed penis. Doctors were unable to reattach it because it was not delivered to the hospital with him. The penis was never found.
Suwit told local police that he had just moved from his hometown of Trang to Ratchaburi, just a few hours west of Bangkok, to work in a garage. After he got off work Saturday night, he went to a karaoke parlor with colleagues and proceeded to get wasted. His next recollection was waking at the hospital with his injuries.

He also has no leads on the fate of his penis, saying he has never fought with anyone since relocating there.

Suwit also appeared to have received several blows to the head and face by a blunt object and was bleeding from the ear.
Lt. Teerawat Thongyad of Ban Pong police said witnesses saw a black pickup truck dump Suwit off at the hospital and leave in hurry. He added Suwit’s colleagues will be brought in for questioning, and that security camera footage is being reviewed to identify the truck driver in hope of finding the perpetrator.-source: khaosodenglish.com
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I'm the kind that likes to explain and try to make sense out of most things, but sometimes I just fail completely! 🤔💓 #heartseverywhere


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The weather put a damper on Little Miss Tiffany and Little Miss Laura’s trouble making today. They were staying dry in the barn as the rain came down. ☔️ I’m sure they will be up to no good shortly 🤣🤣🐮#happycows #lovemyjob #troublemakers #cattle #minihereford #ladyfarmerneedsacocktail #littlemisstiffany #littlemisslaura #cantmakethisshitup #rainyday


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When you try and take a picture of your glasses for a friend who asked... Then you realize you’re Johnny Depp from Fear and loathing in Las Vegas. Help. #fearandloathinginlasvegas #johnnydepp #hilarious #problems #cantmakethisshitup #toold #vegas #laughingmyassoff #awesomesauce


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Look up.in the sky it's a bird, it's a plane.....no it's really a Carolina Wren that's done flew away. And left me to babysit the damn eggs that she laid. Just call me the bird whisperer. Happy Sunday yall. #iamKaliP #behumble #itssunday #bestpartofwakingup #coffeetime #morningshenanigans #thebirdwhisperer #carolinawren #topflightoftheworldcraig #babysitting #mylife #cantmakethisshitup #goodmorning #mylocs #dredlocks #mylocjourney #suburbanlife #countryliving


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Check out the video with @madmenxtreme ! Can't wait to see these comments ! SHARKWEEK...eat your heart out ! #classic
#cantmakethisshitup
#funnyshit laughingallthewaytowellsfargo


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This bridge was a life saver while the storm was passing today. Whewww. Thank god that camelbak gots it own raincoat. Wtf. Yep. It’s own raincoat. #cantmakethisshitup #iwilltravel #siblings #connected #letsgo #colorado @susanlg06 photo📸


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Well FML....guess who caught the bouquet??? #cantmakethisshitup #alwaysthebrideneverthebridesmaid #3rdtimesacharm


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#Repost @shopjunket
・・・
So maybe if you’re going to sell a pair of handcuffs that doesn’t have a key, you don’t put them on a random shelf in someone else’s shop and label them a ‘barstool brain teaser.’ And maybe, if you’re shopping with your sister and you see a pair of handcuffs (that don’t have a key), you don’t decide to slap them on her wrist as a ‘gotcha’ without first understanding how they work... And maybe, if, once you realize your sister is trapped in said handcuffs, you don’t test release strategies on the cuff that’s already wrapped too tightly around a wrist when you don’t know what you’re doing... And maybe (just maybe) if you’re the shop owner who watches the last part of this bizarro sequence unfold in front of a half dozen other customers waiting in line as you process sales on the busiest day of the year (to date), you encourage the sisters to head directly to the nearest precinct for emergency support, and make a mental note to share this cautionary tale as soon as the line at the register is short enough for one person to handle it... #shoplife
#allswellthatendswell #siblings
#cantmakethisshitup #shebroughtthehandcuffsback


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I’m not going to sugar coat it, life is hard right now. With two kids so close in age some days feel like a never ending battle. But then these moments happen, which remind me how blessed I am to have these little girls. ❤️❤️


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“Push em out. Shove em out. Waaaay out.” -Cliff Huxtible #raisedbycrazy #dafuq #cantmakethisshitup #waitforthebooktocomeout


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PART 2 OF GOOGAN CENTRAL ! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS VIDEO ? #omg #cantmakethisshitup
#showmethemoney


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Little red school house🤔
Well I'll be damn must be part of
That little red #maga hat party
#interesting #cantmakethisshitup


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A handful of love.

#fifteen #bluejayfeathers #justbelieve 🕊️💙😍💙🕊️


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So maybe if you’re going to sell a pair of handcuffs that doesn’t have a key, you don’t put them on a random shelf in someone else’s shop and label them a ‘barstool brain teaser.’ And maybe, if you’re shopping with your sister and you see a pair of handcuffs (that don’t have a key), you don’t decide to slap them on her wrist as a ‘gotcha’ without first understanding how they work... And maybe, if, once you realize your sister is trapped in said handcuffs, you don’t test release strategies on the cuff that’s already wrapped too tightly around a wrist when you don’t know what you’re doing... And maybe (just maybe) if you’re the shop owner who watches the last part of this bizarro sequence unfold in front of a half dozen other customers waiting in line as you process sales on the busiest day of the year (to date), you encourage the sisters to head directly to the nearest precinct for emergency support, and make a mental note to share this cautionary tale as soon as the line at the register is short enough for one person to handle it... #shoplife
#allswellthatendswell #siblings
#cantmakethisshitup #shebroughtthehandcuffsback


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Usually this area of the river would be knee high, though we did have some rain it isn't enough by far. They are starting to move the salmons from the rivers to save them.
To get to this area of the river had to jump trough high grass. I almost jumped on a sunbathing lady who wore nothing but a thong. That was unexpected, but we both had a good laugh. Men, if you are wondering were all the pretty ladies are, take a walk in the wilderness, they are laying around there somewhere naked, you just have to pick them up.

#cantmakethisshitup #instanature #naturegram #naturelovers #river #drought #switzerland #schweiz #pagan #witch #metalhead #redhead #hmstyle #hmdivided


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Ok then Indiana. Some top class restaurants there eh? #cantmakethisshitup #highlyrated #goodoleindiana


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This is 100% a real clip I once had on my reel when I wanted to be a reporter. No other comment needed.


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🔊 #ignorance #xenophobia #bigotry — Go away. That’s the message the #donaldtrump administration is sending #migrants at our southern border. Under a new policy being implemented, fear of domestic or gang violence will no longer be accepted as grounds for asylum.
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This follows a decision by AG Jeff Sessions that people making such claims will be turned back by border officials before they can plead their case in court. Announcing the decision last month, Sessions said it “restores sound principles of asylum and long-standing principles of immigration law.”
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Actually, this move by the #Trump administration further guts the right to asylum. It goes against both the spirit and letter of the law governing humanitarian relief. It marks the latest attempt by the administration to curtail legal entry into this country. Sadly, those who will suffer as a result are among the most vulnerable people in the world.
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The right of asylum is established under both U.S. and international law. To be eligible for asylum, a person must go through multiple checks, show that they suffered persecution in their home country because of their race, religion, nationality, political views or membership in a particular social group, and that they would be in danger if they returned home.
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Trump and his attorney general have made it clear that they have a low opinion of this process. Trump tweeted that migrants should be sent back “with no judges or court cases.”
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“We cannot allow all of these people to invade our Country. When somebody comes in, we must immediately, with no Judges or Court Cases, bring them back from where they came. Our system is a mockery to good immigration policy and Law and Order. Most children come without parents...”
(@ realDonaldTrump) June 24, 2018
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Sessions says that “dirty #immigration lawyers” push their clients to make “fake claims” through #asylum “loopholes.”
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Their rhetoric is troubling, as it amounts to a no-win situation for #immigrants.

#exactly #wereallthesame #opportunity #historyrepeats #accountability #ignorance #educate #bias #bigotry #diversity #dreamers #families #fucktrump #dreamers #dumptrump #trumpsamerica #billmaher #nativeamerican


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Ah good...our weekly supply of diapers is here! (6 year old child for size perspective) #twinlife #babies #poop #diapers #nappies #huggies #cantmakethisshitup


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So not only did Momma J flunk another colonoscopy.... Her Pups are slowly working it out 😂 #KjCreations #MisfitToyland #CantMakeThisShitUp


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Your friendly Friday PSA from Ashley Madison #actualbillboard #cantmakethisshitup


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GEN BAKER: Hey #XO how’s your #ECT? Me:
#army #goodtimes #wow #cantmakethisshitup #essayons


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I had to explain to my teen today why I would be late picking her up... I’m not sure if my reason, which was 100% true btw, or her lack of concern about my reason is worse. .
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#cantmakethisshitup #sothishappened #downtowndallas #excusemesir #textpost #teenagers


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🌑Update on my blog for Six of Swords🌑Was really really crazy to see that EXACTLY one year ago today was the last time I edited the post...craaaaazy👽Link in bio🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️


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Whos in the market for Man-pons gently used... 😂😂😂#CantMakeThisShitUp


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I don't know whether to laugh or cry 🤣🤣🤣 #allofthesearetrue #fml #cantmakethisshitup


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🤣🤣🤣🤣 #rofl #onapersonalnote how ironic when my least favorite person is in fact a Scorpio a real no good for nothing Venomous animal..... with a chismosa bullshit drama thing .... #cantmakethisshitup #thankgodiavoidthatshit


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Holy crap y’all. I’m doing a deep clean of years and years of worth of junk I’ve been hanging onto and what do I come across? My senior project! Scrapbooking was a big deal. Before this goes into the recycling bin, I need everyone to know how deeply profound my thoughts were in 2006. That attention to detail. And my artistic eye. #springcleaning #funemployment #seniorproject #wow #homesteadhighschool #scrapbooking #cantmakethisshitup #iturnedthisinforagrade #thisisnotajoke


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Ladies and Gentlemen: DONT DO METH!!!
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An El Paso driver was arrested after being accused of trying to light a methamphetamine pipe while stopped at a red light next to a police car.

The bust occurred Friday afternoon on Montana Avenue near Airway Boulevard.
Two uniformed officers were in a patrol car and in the lane next to them was Fredrick Brown, who was driving a white 2018 Ford Fiesta as he allegedly was trying to light a meth pipe, police said.

Officers saw Brown and immediately stopped him, police said in a news release.

Brown allegedly had more than 22 grams of crystal meth, nearly a half-ounce of marijuana and several bulb pipes, police said.

Brown was arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. His bond was set at $30,000, officials said.source: elpasotimes.com
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I asked the universe for a sign yesterday. So just now I realized I forgot my phone (a rare thing) in someone's office and as i turned around to go back I found this beauty on the ground. Thankyou!!!!! #synchronicity #cantmakethisshitup #blackbirds #blackfeathers #signs #outofnowhere #myguides #onpath


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Man this #bum 🤦🏿‍♂️😂!! Unbelievable ——————-
Feel Free To Turn On Post Notifications For Us!!! Humanfuckery.com-The 🌎 Is Filled With Fuckery!!! Please Feel Free To Share It Here!!!


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I mean really. .
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What more honest, thoughtful and truer love could a person really need in life. .
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#cantmakethisshitup #reallifelove


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Again, BEST NIGHT EVER!!! We had such an amazing time meeting some awesome new people! Thanks for the memories @parkermusselman @kelly_whittleton @msahfx #makingfriends #arcadefire #boston #cantmakethisshitup


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It's all about the Steelers buckle though. And earlier this same day I saw a conjoined twin. #interbred #cantmakethisshitup


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THIS. THIS is why I can’t fit my lunch bag in the refrigerator at work. #cantmakethisshitup #gotmilk #theoffice #funnynotfunny


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SMILE...WE'RE GOIN FISHING !!! #OMG #WTF #funtimes #LETSGOFISHING #anotherdayatwork
#cantmakethisshitup


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When the Mexican restaurant you decide to eat at doesn’t check their program guide. 😂😂😂 Kids sure had fun watching the behind-the-scenes look at ESPN “The Body” Issue. I laughed so hard I cried...but not at Gronk of course. He can do no wrong. This photo is absolutely reposted without anyone’s permission, nor do I care because you can’t make this shit up and it was way too funny to keep to myself. 😂😂😂 We think someone else must have complained because they did eventually change the channel. #bummer #gronk #patriots #espnbodyissue #familyviewing #laughedsohard #cantmakethisshitup #momlife #justrollwithit #lifeistooshortnottolaugh


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C'mere ppl 🤔🙄🤮
If your going to approach a single woman 😇 as a "single man" 🙄 put a different ring on🤦🏽‍♀️, buy some damn foundation 🤦🏽‍♀️ ummm idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ but but it's completely obvious 😂😂😂 I was just fine enjoying my own company as always so go home or get your own table LANCE (all men are LANCE) Google it lol
#cantmakethisshitup #StayToMyself
My husband going to tattoo my name over his eyebrow 🤣🤣🤣 carry on


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Best laid plans... #fuckrightoff #isthisajoke #amionpunked


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Went to put clothes in the dryer... (Yes, I have leftover clothes in there! What kind of person do you think I am? Cause it ain’t fold and put them up right away)
Anyway, not only did I find clothes, I found my cat who had made my nice clean clothes her bed for the day. Thanks a lot Luna 😑😑 #sneakyasscat #shelookscomfy #catmom #badkitty #laundry #neveradullmoment #alwaysintosomething #sneaky .
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#laundryroom #cat #catofinstagram #trouble #troublemaker #iloveher #bed #reallife #truestory #storyofmylife #cantmakethisshitup


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This fuckery speaks for itself!!! 🤮🤮
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Excerpt From Article:

The trainer said he and his staff suspected disturbances at the stables in the month before, and installed CCTV cameras as a security measure.

When the cameras triggered an alarm on the evening of January 22, a trainer saw Webb-Jackson opening a number of stables and called the police.
Police found Webb-Jackson crouching in the corner of a fourth open stable, where he was arrested after a short scuffle with police and taken to Grafton police station.

During police interviews Webb-Jackson admitted to committing two sexual acts with a horse.

He told police the filly smelt his crotch and winked at him, which he believed was the animal giving consent, The Daily Examiner of Grafton reported. Source: news.com.au
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6

REAL TALK. { This one isn’t easy to share }

Last week I was in a place mentally and emotionally that I didn’t see coming - it had me on my knees daily.
Trusting and surrendering...many tears were shed and I’m surprised I have any left.

Just getting up and taking care of myself (some days to even get out of bed felt too hard) and my son was all I could muster
And I kept going... This post is not coming from a place of victim or victim hood, in fact those words really piss me off lately..more on that later... This post is in fact a VICTORY post
I’ve been stripped back
We’ve been stripped back
To show us all the things that we’ve been ignoring, that’s not been working and so we could truly understand the meaning of gratitude 🙏🏽 (and that’s just one of the lessons from the past few weeks). Never have I been more grateful for running water, a roof over our heads, any food that filled our tummies (even tho that was sparse and consisted of many 2 min noodles this past couple of weeks)....and for each other 💓🙏🏽 Being stripped back and all the things revealed all at once has been like a tidal wave - honestly a tsunami 🌊 Lol 😂 (I’m listening - hearing you loud and clear Spirit) ....And I can laugh about it now...because we see the light at the end of the tunnel and it absolutely could have been worse right?! Through the kindness of friends gifting us money unexpectedly and little blessings like $111 in my Paypal account at 3.33am (true story #cantmakethisshitup) a friend who allowed us to put some meals on a tab..all the little blessings...we were able to cover our basic needs this week (our accounts have been negative) and things can only get better as we move through this together as a family💓

I share this because I know we are not alone and everyone has rock bottom times and I wanted to share my lessons so far...there will be more on this.

We are relocating to a small furnished 1 bedroom unit next week and I’m so grateful. We get to clear out ALL THAT NO LONGER SERVES and start afresh as a family. (It also happens to be in a dope resort with so much Caeden can do and there’s even a sauna and day spa for Mummy time) #winning (cont. below)


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A warty looking #Jesus came to us right here in Minnesota! 😂I done did found him peering back at me from our decrepit old rotting pumpkin from last Halloween. Donations for in person viewing required. #jesussighting #cantmakethisshitup


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