STABILITY: firmness of resolve, mental equilibrium" (of persons). In physical sense, "difficult to overthrow”. Resistance to change, especially sudden change or deterioration. Steadfastness; constancy, as of character or purpose. .
I’ve always recognized myself as naturally having stability, owning stability as a part of who I am. I set my roots and ground myself. I find balance where it is needed, because I’m intuitive to my surroundings, and I know what is lacking or simply too much, and change accordingly, but not too much.
However, even that 100 year old oak tree, who grew strong and firm, and provided shade and protection from the elements, cannot resist a category four hurricane. When the wind blows hard enough, and the roots get wet and loose, the tree falls.
Well, it’s been a rough year so far. A rough year for my stability. I haven’t quite fallen, but I’ve been pelted with a lot of fucking life. It’s been very hectic. Unstable, I should say. My stepfather passed away, my stepbrother soon after, my job has taken a huge stressful turn and I’ve been gone on trips away from friends or Stevie who ground me. While some trips have been wonderful, like my 40th birthday in Mexico, or the week in the CO mountains for Fourth of July, or my cousin’s wedding, there’s still a little reminder of sadness around them - I’m getting older or wishing my late stepdad or biological dad was there. They’ve been bitter sweet. I want to be grateful for everything all the time, but I’m realizing that sometimes I just need to stop and take it all in. I haven’t allowed myself to naturally respond and fully feel all that has happened.
I know through my life experiences that when these dips come they will yet rise again. I just gotta let go and enjoy the roller coaster a bit. I know that if I nurture myself I will grow stronger, and more stable than before. .
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