𝙎𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙩 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚞𝚛𝚎, 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜.
𝗧𝗼 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁- I had kidney failure and I didn’t believe I did. I knew close to nothing about kidney disease other than my grandpa being exhausted on it before he passed away and that a machine cleaned his blood. For too long of a time I shrugged aside kidney failure and acted as if everything was ok. So this picture represents that-my mind, in a way.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁:
I was in denial, uneducated, and very scared of the unknown. The picture shows me acting as if everything was ok, ignoring all that was wrong with me. My face I drew as swollen because when I got really sick I stopped peeing and held onto all the fluids I ingested. I physically didn’t look sick so it was hard for me to believe it myself. On the inside, I felt really really sick. For years I felt this way. Middle school was when I really took notice of it. My friend from middle school told me she remembered how I would always say how tired I was at p.e. so she wasn’t surprised to find out my diagnosis, and I completely agreed. It all made sense. Physical activity was difficult for me for YEARS. But I ignored the signs because I was young and I never thought about there being something wrong with my health. So as the years went on and my fatigue and symptoms worsened, I just associated it with me being lazy. And I constantly beat myself up for it because I wished I could do better, do more. I had grown accustomed to not feeling right and it became my norm of living. Till it got to the point where I REALLY knew I was dying. My lungs were filling with water, I was hemorrhaging, I barely ate anything, couldn’t take more than two steps without stopping, slept through every day.
This post isn’t to make anyone sad or pity me, it’s to let people know what I went through. I hope someone out there can learn from my mistake of ignoring what was happening to my health. I do understand why I did all I did and I can’t change the past.I used to blame myself and feel so guilty for letting it get so bad, but I think it all happened for a reason cont..