Look, I KNOOOW that one thing the world needs more of right now is to focus on how us individuals look on the outside! I mean, I was looking through a ladies magazine the other day and once I got through the first 24 pages of shampoo ads I just felt really starved for ideas on how to alter my appearance to be more appealing to everyone. However, in the few seconds per day that I’m NOT thinking of how my external shell can deny any sign of aging with the #10yearchallenge .
Enough about me though... let me take a moment to body-shame, erm... I mean ANALYSE Mother Earth - because if you haven’t seen her lately she’s ageing like an utter hag!!! Don’t tell her I said it or anything but she’s clearly been overrun by free radicals that are absolutely trashing her health, and boy does it show. GIRL, have you not heard of moisturiser, because your lithosphere is showing serious signs of dehydration. Don’t get me started on your hydrosphere because boy oh boy is that looking acidic. Haven’t you noticed the lack of lustre in your reefs? Start an alkaline diet like, yesterday. You’ve also seriously over-plucked your rainforest and they are looking way harsh. Bushy is back, bitches. If she doesn’t employ some seriously preventative measures ASAP, I don’t even wanna THINK how she’ll look when she turns the big (20)40!
Some other total tragics were trying to get their own viral challenge going; they wanted to call it, like, the Paris Agreement or something lame like that, but we’re smarter than that. Gretchen, Stop trying to make Paris happen. It’s not going to happen. Everyone, let’s not get distracted by superficial things, let’s focus on what matters most - our sexifulness.