What are you afraid of? ———————————————————
I used to be afraid that the world would find out that I just wasn’t worth it, that I wasn’t good enough. That people would see how scared I was, how desperately hard I tried to fit in and be accepted. ———————————————————
In my reality I spent my life trying to people please, do what I could for others so that they would love me. I spent my life hating my body, it didn’t reflect a picture of beauty that would be acceptable in my eyes and so I abused it with laxative and diet pills desperate to see in my eyes this image of a body that I believed would be good enough. I spent days listening to the self criticism going round and round in my head, that voice that told me not to speak because you will say something stupid and people will know your an idiot. I spent days frustrated and angry, holding on to this scream inside me, gradually going numb inside. ———————————————————
That was my perspective of my life, but not the perspective of the people around me. They saw the smiles, caught the harsh words, the uncomfortable behaviour, the social awkwardness... but they didn’t know my fear, that was my secret. ———————————————————
I allowed my fear to take control, it consumed me and led me to a place of no return. But in that place, a dark and lonely place, I found what was lost. I found a spark of light amongst the fear and the darkness and it bought me back to life. ———————————————————
I overcame my fear by challenging myself to change, to look instead with love. With the discovery of unconditional love for myself and unconditional love I now see life through a new perspective. ———————————————————
Does fear sometimes pay me a visit, does doubt sometimes creep in? Yes at times, but now I can look at my fear from a point of love and it allows me to shine light on a place of darkness, showing me the truth in my fear and the source of my doubt. When I take this time to look for the truth I can see what action I may need to take or support I need to seek to restore calm. Sometimes all I see is the truth that my brain is being irrational and just doing its job to protect and keep me safe.
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