Mom truth. Lately, mommying has been particularly hard for me. I have felt frustration and anger surge up inside of me with the kids when it shouldn’t be. It has forced me to really examine what is going on in my day to day life that this reaction has become an all to normal one. I shamefully realized it boils down to 2 things, the state of my home and the fear that I am failing my babies. 7 people in a 200 year old 2 bedroom home with almost no closet space is hard, but not an excuse. It has taken 4 years for me to accept this, but if something doesn’t serve a purpose, if we don’t use it often or if we don’t absolutely love it, it can’t stay. Having less allows for me to give more of me to my kids, more attention, more love, more creativity, more positivity. And then there’s the comparison game. When Joseph and I read and he struggles on the same word for the hundredth time, or I can’t seem to get Nora to understand counting by fives to 100 or that the number 13 does truly in fact exist or even if I feel like I am not dedicating enough time to the twins with their letters and these things don’t click, I feel my frustration begin. My tone changes and the kids immediately begin to shut down. I had to re-evaluate what was going on, and I realized that my reaction was driven by fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, fear that I wasn’t doing it right or spending enough time with each of them. Fear that we were behind, that I haven’t spent long enough lesson planning, or getting them into outside activities, or put the tv on for too long, or I said no too many times throughout our day. Fear that I was making the wrong choices. And as a response to my fear, anger was taking over my emotions. My babies are smart, and sweet and loving, and I get to spend my days with them. It is such a gift, and I need to create an environment where we can all flourish. I am so grateful that these babes of mine are so quick to forgive and give me the sweetest and most underserved love. But it is in my control to change these reactions and this home, for good or bad. Mamas, this gig is not for the faint of heart, and I am lucky to have some pretty strong mamas here to look up to.