Today I was reminded of the responsibility we have to those that love us to do the hard work on ourselves.
I am lucky enough to have people in my life (with special respect to one in particular) who have stood by me unwaveringly as I have processed great physical and emotional trauma in the last year - offering me all of their resources when needed, often times unasked. Through bouts of physical and emotional illness, financial struggle, legal battles, the resurfacing of my rapist, creative endeavors and regrowth - all the bad and the enormity of the good - not once have I felt alone.
Not once have I had to ask for support, or for love.
So often we look at others in our lives and blame them for not loving us the way we WANT them to love us. We very rarely look to ourselves to question why we don't love OURSELVES the way we wish others to love us. We fail to hold ourselves accountable and responsible for our own well being, and blame our partners, friends, and family for not rising to the occasion when we fail to hold up our end of the bargain.
That bargain being: We are responsible for our own happiness as individuals. We are responsible for the maintanence and healing of our own trauma. That responsibility cannot be laid at the feet of any one you claim to love.
We bring our individual happiness to the table to share with those we love, and if we can do the work on ourselves - we can then share in the work of others.
I was reminded today of the importance of first and foremost caring for myself. Being responsible for my own shit. You cannot be in relationship with anyone - partner, playmate, friend, or family - if you cannot be responsible for the self and all its trappings.
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