Life gets hard sometimes and it's very easy to lose yourself...
This month has been a difficult one and I've noticed that my self-control and will power have pretty much disappeared. My gram was in the hospital for quite some time and I visited her every single day that I could. I would sit by her bed for hours even though she had no clue who I was. I would hold her hand, and she would hold mine, just for comfort. Days went by and even though she had some good days, she just got worse.
I had a choice to make and I knew that she wouldn't want me to put my life on hold, so I made a solo 6 hour drive to Indianapolis for an amazing 5 day trip with my team, which briefly took my mind off of what I knew was happening at home. I drove alone just in case I had to suddenly come home, that's how sick I knew she was. Thankfully my trip was not interrupted by her passing, but I called every day checking in on her, and I was worried the whole time.
This month I have eaten all the foods, had some wine and champagne while on my trip, and this week alone I've had more carbs (pizza, cake, cookies, more pizza, pasta, sandwiches, etc...) than ever before.
I feel SO sluggish all the time.
I am bloated and uncomfortable.
I am exhausted and never feel like I get enough sleep, even though I know I'm getting more than enough.
I haven't fully worked out in almost a week. I attempted a workout a few days ago and it was very emotional and hard to get through.
Although I am grieving, my gram wouldn't want me to feel like this. She would want me to be happy, to feel energetic, to be excited about life.
So you know what?
...I know exactly what I need to do and I already have all of the tools that I need to get my shit together. I just need a few friends who feel the same way that I do to help keep me accountable. Who wants to do this with me?