A lot can change in a year. Yesterday at the homedocter I realized I was there exactly a year too. Only than I was on the end of my rope and crying my heart out. All the shit, medical and personal, that kept happening to me was starting to break me up. Realizing the Barbie butt surgery was really gonna happen despite I sacrificed my flawless belly. Sacrificing my entire ass after it tortured me for 7 years felt like a losing my batlle. I was so emotional, angry, scared and frustrated. I wanted to get better but after 7 years fighting my ass, I was also afraid of life without it cause it became such a big part of my daily functioning and routine.
One year later life is totally different. I had my Barbie Butt surgery and went to therapy and meanwhile I kept going to the gym to get rid of my feels and get stronger. And I think physically I’m stronger now as I ever been before what also had it ‘s effect on how I feel in my head and heart. Despite I’m probably struggling with my health the rest of my life I’m working part-time again, I’m setting goals, looking forward to new challenges and stepping out of my comfort zone more and more. I can even listen to other people’s problems without getting upset cause I wish I had such simple problems. Off course I still have my emotional moments, especially on these depressing autumn days. But my inflamed ass, emotions and fears don’t overrule my days anymore, and that makes the lost of my flawless belly and my ass a lot easier to accept. It gave me back a big part of my freedom, last year was hard, but it was worth the struggle cause I’m finally healing instead of getting worse. And feeling better makes it much easier to accept the permanent physical damage. Instead of angry at my body, I’m proud of my body for what it achieved the last year. And that’s a very nice feeling. So to all the spoonies in crisis, don’t be afraid to reach out and search for help. Illness is not only a pshysical thing! #illness #chronicillness #barbiebutt #crohns #crohnsdisease #autimmunedisease #crohnie #ibd #emotions #healing #psychosomatic #colostomy #spoonielife