I’ve always been one to hide the parts of myself that I don’t agree with or bottle things up to the point where people around me don’t know who I am. I’ve never been able to share my personal issues or rely on others for help, or trust them at all. I always thought these were the things that protected me, that made me the strong individual I was and got me through the things I’ve seen in life, but if anything it was the opposite. I was like this because I was so incredibly scared, I couldn’t feel other people’s love or trust, I couldn’t even wrap my head around the idea of someone knowing something vulnerable about me. Every day I woke up thinking that everything I loved would be ripped away from me, and it was. I got so used to everything falling to shit that I would become a catalyst and as soon as I got remotely attached to something and just try to push it away as hard as possible. I let it go on for way too long because I felt if I were to release this part of me, I’d lose who I was. In reality, these parts of me not trusting and living in a constant state of anger and anxiety wasn’t me at all, it wasn’t protecting me, if anything it was stripping me of who I was. A few years back, I made a vow to myself that I would stop at nothing until I was at peace with myself. I wanted to trust, I wanted to live life and just feel love from the things around me. I wanted to let myself receive, instead of just give and I wanted to find my purpose. I wanted to fall in love with myself, to feel safe and know that I can be vulnerable and I’d be okay. It’s been probably the hardest journey I’ve ever walked down. I won’t go into that, but today is the first day since I started this that I genuinely feel like myself. I’m in a place that I believed I could never be in mentally or emotionally and I’ve never been so fucking proud of myself. I now have a purpose and I genuinely want to wake up in the morning, I just want to meet new people and I finally love myself enough to want to show who I am to the world. I’m just so happy and grateful for how I feel right now, I never thought it was possible. Sorry for the rant but this is the biggest thing for me since sliced bread!