#sharkbite #1: find someone who isn’t intimidated by your intelligence or ambition.
At some point in my dating life, I started to realize that guys claimed to be attracted to how smart or articulate, or fearless I was. But a lot of them fetishized it as something to tame. OR they thought by dating me, my achievements made them look good. Add in the fact that I was brown, and I quickly found myself serving the role of accomplished multiracial ingenue who was there to cater to an insecure male ego. BIG HINT: no one (literally) runs their ass to get off the cow farm, does three degrees, lives in various countries and gets themselves to NYC on their own accord has any prerogative of living their life to make entitled Joe ‘look good.’ Women like that have bigger goals and you should know if you’re coming along for the ride, we’re driving. Out of a proudly long list of people I’ve dated, Mark was just one of two guys who was never actually threatened by my thoughts, ideas, how well I articulated them (I’ve literally had men tell me use smaller words), or all of the awesome, ambitious, unorthodox things I want and do with my life. He doesn’t find me threatening, but he doesn’t belittle me either. He doesn’t ask me not to take an opportunity or diminish my ambitions for him, or because he feels like he lacks the qualifications to do the same things I want to do (the distinguishing pattern of my 20s). Mark recognizes that we are two different people. And though we can influence one another to be better people, we are not reflections of each other. We both love and value and respect one another’s differences so much, it’s one of the reasons we compliment each other so well. I’ll always keep Mark inspired, and he’ll always keep me grounded, but in a positive way. It’s that respect and ability to work with each other - not against each other- that makes this such an excellent collaboration. So I guess the big take home point here, is to never let someone make you feel like you have to or should be less than. Find someone who gets a huge kick out of you, adores you, madly respects you, and supports you on your journey. #sharkweek