When I first got clean & sober, I heard others talk about how they shouldn't be left alone with their thoughts. They said it was like a rabid squirrel running around between their ears.
I was new. And the fight to not pick up again was constant. I just assumed their rabid squirrel analogy was about that struggle.
But as time has passed I've realized that's not what they were talking about at all.
My thoughts can abruptly turn a good day into an agonizing one if I'm not careful.
-They'll tell me the people around me don't actually like me, they're just being polite.
-They'll tell me I'm a fraud. I should get out of nursing. I don't actually know what I'm doing.
-They tell me I. Am. Not. Enough.
I could go on with my list here, but if you've read this far, I know I don't have to. I'm not alone. You've felt this way too.
I've found a few deep breaths, a few pages of a good book, reaching out to a loved one, a good sweat sesh, checking in with myself to see of I'm hungry (you can laugh, but seriously, I'm not me when I'm hungry), and/or a cathartic cry when necessary all help me.
So does knowing I'm not alone. If you're going through it, I understand; and I'm sending prayers and positive vibes your way💕