I have officially gone 98 days without taking Prozac. I am really happy with that number and although I am free from ingesting the drug, I can still feel it leaving my system. Occasional zaps in the fingers still, slightly more emotional as normal but not feeling like I NEED to be on it to survive or function or be happy.
The hard side is learning to cope with emotions again. It has been an EXTRA stressful time financially recently and it feels like every week that has gone by over the past two months, another unexpected huge financial cost has come out of the woodwork to do with our Zimbabwe trip. Anxiety about wondering if I can afford to eat or not, trying to limit food intake so I can spread out money further and basically starving myself for money. Having to avoid social events or donating to people's presents and cards in the office and doing it all with a smile on my face whilst crumbling with anxiety inside. Now, let me just acknowledge that Zimbabwe is a HUGELY amazing thing to be doing and I am VERY lucky to be in a place to be able to afford to go in the first place.
Having to manage all of my emotions has been a HUGE battle. From crying to feelings of wanting to smash something up (I am not violent...I promise) I have wanted to give up. It has literally felt like at every turn, something is against us.
BUT, even though this has been the most stressful period that I have had to deal with since moving back to the UK. Even though I have mentally found it overwhelming, I haven't gone back to my tablets, I haven't at any point resorted to drowning my sorrows in bottles of wine or vodka like I used to, I have only eaten my feelings TWICE in the last 3 months whereas before it would have been every single day.
What I have done is continue to juice, continue to make healthy choices even when eating my feelings. Pitta bread with hummus and roasted peppers anyone? Continue with my self care routine which includes juicing, my AM and PM facials, reading self development books and the odd morning yoga.
So, on reflection, I actually think I am doing pretty bloody well. Making sure and steady progress in my mental health journey 🧡