There is nothing like a winter breed puppy to get you out in the cold. ❄️
If you had found me on any given day in the last three winters, odds are I would be at work, nannying in my sweatpants, or home. The first winter I justified it as a much needed break from the speedy, overbooked lifestyle that I led in the Twin Cities. The second winter I felt even more isolated but I told myself that it was good. It allowed my to focus on the production of my first storytelling CD & the planning of a 2.5 week trip to the UK with my dad. Besides, who wanted to be out the (Kentucky) cold anyway? Grey days were for being productive inside - so that is where I stayed. ❄️
Then last winter, I had no excuses. I wasn't talking to anyone outside of work or my parents. I felt both burdened by the world & burdensome with my troubles. I spent every day overthinking every action, every word - worried that I made some fatal misstep that would finally sever me from the last few faces I saw on a regular basis. The days were grey & dull & ran together with little except basketball games to mark the passing of time. ❄️
I woke up in the early hours one spring morning, sobbing, because I hadn't wanted to wake up. I typed, deleted, re-typed, re-deleted, & re-typed a message to my friends. I was terrified. I was blunt with them - I felt like I had been a terrible friend. In all likelihood, that was true. I avoided reaching out because I was so severely afraid of their rejection. But this, this was the turning point. I had stared it in the face before many years ago & I knew if I didn't ask for help now, I probably never would but... that wasn't an option for me. I hit send. ❄️
That was a turning point for me. I finally had people outside my own head asking, begging me to find help. I had been slipping away - I felt it, & they did too and they pushed me to seek out help. I did. My help came in many forms, & eventually, I ended up with this goober. But the story is longer still and that chapter is yet to come. It has been a frigid week in The Cities, but I have gone out every day to give us both time to exercise & get fresh air. Seeing him run & smile, I am so grateful for the cold.