Maybe it's just me, but I find it incredibly easy to go about my life without God. It's easy to not pray. It's easy to not read my Bible. It's easy to not go to church. It's easy to watch TV, scroll on my phone, go to the gym, clean my house, cook, eat, all without God.
Until suddenly, it isn't easy anymore.
My life without God is painful, depressing, and useless. It goes from a constant worship of Him, to all at once, asking questions like, “what if I'm a bad wife? Am I a bad housekeeper? Will I be a bad mom? What if I can't have kids? Am I a bad friend? Am I enough?” I am so incredibly tired from this back and forth. “God is good,” to “God? Oh yeah, Him.” I know with every fiber of my being, with every beat of my heart, that He is all that matters. And yet, I still let my laziness get in the way of a relationship with Him. LAZINESS, of all things. This year, my relationship with God reached the strongest it had ever been, but as this year comes to a close, my selfishness has become stronger.
The pain and the exhaustion of a lack of a relationship with Him is just too much. I truly do not understand how so many people live like this on a daily basis, because it just hurts. So, it's time -- past time, actually. Words cannot describe how thankful I am to serve a God who forgives me when I stray and who welcomes me back with the most open arms.