"I'm sorry there is nothing more that we can do...." The words no one ever wants to hear. Certainly, the words no parent every wants to hear about their baby.
After going into labour at 28 weeks and delivering my beautiful twins the shattering news was that they were very, very poorly. My little boy and girl fought for three days but could hold on no more.
In some respects my partner and I were fortunate we both worked in the NHS and had access to the best medical teams in the country. We knew the pregnancy was not going to be straight forward I was 41 years old.
Still, to hear those words........for me there was denial I was someone for whom the word "Impossible" just didn't exist. I believed anything was possible I had never encountered a problem, personally or professionally, that I couldn't solve. It was a case of stepping back from the situation there was always a way. This time there wasn't.
Whilst there is that wonderful side to the NHS there is also the other side. I was pressured to return to work. Six weeks after the funeral I was back at work.
People ask me "isn't it morbid, your work". There is nothing "morbid" about supporting women who are enduring the worst time in their lives whether they are grieving for a child, parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or animal companion.
The grieving should not feel like they are alone or that they have to grieve in silence. We generally don't mind if people ask us questions about our loved ones, even if it makes us cry, it shows you care, that we can talk about our grief, that we are treated as an individual, that our loss is not simply being ignored. If you don't talk to us about our grief it is as if our loved ones never existed and their lives and deaths never occurred.
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