.What will I be thinking about when I am dying , if I am fortunate enough to be physically able to think ?
I used to believe that I’d want to tick off a few things like ‘changed lives for the better , made the world a better place , was kind , gained wisdom “ to name a just a few goals ,but the thing is ,I could never know if I had accomplished these ?
I can think that I helped , for example , if I bought a family a house or gave someone a job or sponsored a child or developed a cure for cancer , but what I see is such a small part of the picture . I don’t know the full ramifications of my ‘kind contributions ‘ . I don’t know how in the bigger picture it all plays out . Maybe the house ,I bought ,burns down with the family inside ? Maybe the recipient of the job became a workaholic and his family fell apart ? So I can act with kindness, but I can’t take any credit for it ,if you see what I mean .
I can think I gained wisdom ,but the only problem with that is that the more I know; the more I’m convinced I don’t know anything . It’s all just way too mysterious for me here on this astonishing planet .
So, given that , what will I think on my deathbed ?
I’ll be asking myself about the only thing I know for sure and that’s how I felt about being alive ,about being granted this supremely precious opportunity to live.
If my life to date is anything to go by, the answer will be "It felt utterly amazing ,truly wondrous “. My heart already can’t contain the gratitude and love for all of it .. -Kim Robinson .
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