There is something to be said for an individual to go out of their way to deeply encourage. We rarely know the true battle that someone is fighting and my fight is with myself, this deep rooting thought that everyone around me, local community, older (better) established parents, educators, doctors and even family this that I’m irresponsible - I have this “inner critic” that tells me that everyone thinks I’m irresponsible. That I’m irresponsible for getting married “young”, for having kids close in age, for choosing family before career, for wanting to home educate instead of sending them to school. Last night the lovely @EmerDavidson went out of her way to encourage me, with struggles that I haven’t voiced to her, she quieted my inner lying voice that is blaring at me in moments when waiting for a health visitor, when a neighbour walks past or when my car breaks down in the middle of lunch time traffic with four hungry fussy kids and me frazzled and on the brink of tears. All my choices, all of our choices as husband and wife, as parents to our four are our choices, it’s what’s truest to our heart and what we want for our brood. And I’m not here to justify my decisions or apologise, but what I am wanting to voice is that your encouragement is vital, a compliment goes further than you know and that reassurance will not be forgotten. No one has ever told me that I’m irresponsible, it’s simply how I feel that others see me. I feel that everyone sees a disaster, a tired mother, someone who didn’t think this through and has no idea what she’s doing. So thank you, Emer for your encouragement - for you leaving me with words I will not forget and a conversation I needed far more than you could have known. Because as I was beginning to cave in on my heart, you spoke light that I desperately needed. And this for me is what @assemblycommunity is, although I’m not religious in a sense - it has become my church, a place where I can let down my guard and where I always walk away moved.
#motherbeastie #niblogger #assemblyspringsummer #fourkids #PrimroseOttilieOcean #imnotirresponsible