‘Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.’ — Pablo Picasso [Continuing last post] ...At 27, it was the time I decided to turn the wheel of the car I was driving into another direction. I had this reaccuring dream of another destiny playing in my head.
That is when the battle started, I made a big decision by leaving my role as founder of De Upstarter and decided to reset myself for 3 months in SF. There I found out that I had no energy left, and I could barely leave my room. I told everyone that I thought something was wrong, but it was hard to explain or for others to understand. Until my mum got in a burn-out and told me, you are experiencing the same.
I was fully programmed to set goals, work hard, and do things that were ‘expected’ and made ’sense’. I did not know how to do ‘nothing‘. When I bought books they were about work. I was asked if I would start reading fiction, if I could try to do things, just because I liked them, just for fun, without an end goal.
I ended up buying an adventure book and finished one after the other. I started taking drawing classes, which ended up as a form of therapy for me. We had a nude model in front of us, and all we were asked to do, was not to follow the shape but feel the body and let your body make a mark.
This is where I got in touch with my way of expressing again. Fully feeling my body, letting the energy take over, following it where it wanted to go. It asked me to — let go of story, releasing control of needing something to make sense. Letting go, of doing things because we think they are expected of us, of doing things because we know the outcome, or because they are save.
Working abstractly asks to interact with a deeper self. By exploring feelings and essences on the paper we get to explore these things within ourselves, too.
If Saturn Return means a big change and pulled me back into my first years, it pulled me back to this drawing I made as a Toddler
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