Shame vs guilt.
This is something that I talk with my clients with most often. Especially with holding limits with their children.
Brené Brown goes on to explain:
“Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.
Here's what you even need to know more: Guilt is inversely correlated with those things. The ability to hold something we've done, or failed to do, up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive. It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive.” The feedback we give and the space with hold when our children make mistakes is a powerful one.
Yesterday I was talking about this with three different parents facing three different challenges. I asked them this:
1. Do you need to intervene to stop permanent damage.
2. Is there a missing skill?
3. When do you want them to learn that skill?
Positive discipline doesn’t always feel good. Holding people accountable and setting limits is often quite challenging- in the short term! Because in the long term those skills are learned and when we wait they are learned with a greater consequence.
Now or later?