“Everything you’ve ever wanted to learn about yourself you can learn in 26.2 miles”.
Here is stuff I learnt whilst digging so deep that the marathon was essentially me with a bucket and spade tunnelling to Australia 🇦🇺🏝⚒:
1. The wall is real.
2. Crying, grimacing and swearing helps. A bit.
3. The fat on your arms flubbing around actually really hurts after 20 miles
4. That I can run faster in a full marathon than in a half, wtf is wrong with me?
5. If you sweat enough, your deodorant will reappear. In clumps. Gross
6. Lips can go numb from running
7. You can chafe under your arms and not notice for hours
8. Afterwards you will spend a day shuffling around like an emperor penguin 🐧
9. I can finally run further than a mile without stopping (5.8 to be exact) 💪
10. Being overtaken by a pantomime horse saps you of any dignity you have left 🐎
11. If I hosted a race, the goodie bags would have in them blister plasters, beer, a voucher for discounted stairlifts (to help you the next day) and a signed letter from the queen saying how brilliant you are 👑
12. Non-runners just don’t get it
13. The last 600m are harder than the other 26 miles combined
14. Who wants toenails anyway?
15. Other people who run marathons are LOVELY
16. Throwing up in a service station for 3 hours afterwards is decidedly unglamorous
17. Jelly babies are the food of the gods
18. You are stronger than you ever, ever realised.
19. Running is the only time you can wear grey, orange, purple, blue, red and neon yellow together and get away with it.
20. And that ALL I’ll get to show for the above is one measly blister. ONE!!
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