I know dan is the one who is ill and he is the one suffering, I would never moan and complain about any of what is going on because none of this is anyone’s fault. I don’t feel sorry for myself and would never ask for attention or sympathy or anything along those lines because it’s just life and you have absolutely no choice but to just deal with it. Same as everyone else! What is the alternative? You have to keep going.
But how? How do you carry on like everything is okay and you’re crying inside? How do you go to work and get through your everyday life like you don’t want to scream so loud that it hurts your throat? How do you talk to people with a smile on your face when inside you feel like you never want to see another human again?
I hate to show signs of weakness because as weak as I feel I don’t like to look vulnerable. But I’m so tired and wondering around in this little bubble, sometimes I find myself mid sentence and I can’t even remember what it started with or what I was going to say next I don’t feel like a person I feel like a burden, like everywhere I go I’m in the way or doing and saying something wrong. A bit like a spare part you never really need.
I keep being told to talk to people, make sure you talk about how you’re feeling and coping... I’ve never been good at opening up to someone direct and telling them how I feel but I’ve always felt good writing it down. I probably shouldn’t post such personal things but I kinda feel like this helps ♀️ I don’t really know how I’m coping until I start writing and then it all comes out
I just want to say thank you though to everyone who has sent me a message asking and thinking about Dan and about me, it’s so nice to know we’re in peoples thoughts and even peoples prayers. Knowing this really, really does help to keep us both positive. X
#cancer #lifewithcancer #awareness #life #dailystruggles #mentalhealth #bpd