I guess I really thought forever meant forever... #codependencysucks
Some days are way harder than others. I wake up to my kittens playfully trying to cuddle with me, and I lie there alone, wondering how did it all go so wrong. What could I have done different? Were things really that bad? I guess, I really don't know. I won't know. But I wasn't the only one in the relationship, well, maybe at the end there, I was... She checked out long before.
That's my fear, if someone I'm supposed to be with forever can just check out, walk away, then anyone else can too. Several months ago, my journey led me through an open field and I came across a beautiful wildflower. But, it wasn't meant to be, she was in love with someone else, before we met. It wasn't my fault per se, I know that now, but the pain in that rejection remains. The fear remains.
I met a few desert roses that have told me, the timing wasn't right, or she felt guilty talking to me because my divorce wasn't yet final. I was promised I wouldn't be ghosted, we'd remain friends, or to contact her once it's over. Sadly, often only tumbleweeds remain. Sometimes good things fall apart...
The reality is, anyone I date, talk to, get into a relationship with, or even marry (not anytime soon by the way,) could just up and change their mind, check out, decide they love someone else, or just walk away. Nothing I can do to prevent that. Nothing! So, the the way I see it, I basically have two choices. I can live in fear and worry that it's all going to fall apart like it has before, or I can just try to enjoy every waking moment and love all I can while I have them in my life.
I choose to live and love, who knows, maybe there really can be a forever.
#sometimesgoodthingsfallapart #loveisachoice #santamonica #sunsets #codependentnomore #fear
#eternaloptimist #betterthingsahead #gottahavefaith #recovery #soberlife #lifeafterdivorce #divorceddad #love #movingon #turningout #lettinggo #alcoholicwife #detachment #alanon #progressnotperfection #growth #onedayeverythingwillbeokay #hopelessromantic #mybestlife