19th January 2018: "Mh....when it's my birthday?....' - A year ago, the worst version of me.
Last January was my Hell, today I want to do my best to break the STIGMA. I saw the tweet yesterday, and I decided to take courage and talk about it.
Who I was and what I did it's not who I am.
I spent over a year fighting, trying to put back together the broken peaces of my almost inexistent soul, turning off voices of demons who daily told me that not eating was the solution, that I had to not eat and torture myself going to the supermarket and watching online pictures of cakes and pizza and chocolate.... ' You are so good, stupid bitch. You will not do like these people, you are strong and you totally don't need it. You don't deserve it. You deserve pain and no one will ever love you as you are. Even your girlfriend doesn't, she is lying to you. No one could ever love you, you stupid, not even able to spend a day just drinking because bla bla bla you are hungry and you want a yogurt. Pathetic '
I spent over a year of people asking me 'Did you ate?' And not ' How do you feel? Are you feeling good? What's wrong? '.
I did like a butterfly, but I did evolve in worst and returned a caterpillar.
I lost a lot of memories because of my damaged brain, but I remember all the pain, I remember all the ' It's never enough, you are still drinking ', I remember people at work dimissing me and telling me ' Well, you are just giving fault to your problems...but it seems just an excuse. That day you eat a lot of biscuits, so you are just ill when it's the best for you and you can use it to justify the fact you are not good at working. Liar. '
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