October 15th. A date never forgotten, forever etched in the hearts of those who have lost during pregnancy and those born sleeping. I lost my little girl all over again this year as the land where she was burried was sold. A place I thought I could visit forever. A literal 5 minute drive from where we are but no hopes of visiting ... just one last time. I didn't just lose my daughter all those years ago , I lost the one, five, ten, and twenty one year old she would have been, I lost her first breath, first tooth and first steps, the countless mummy daughter dates that I will forever long to have. I am not the same person I was before Ella left us and I will never be that person again - I hope no one expects me to be, how can I be when a part of me died then too?
Instead all I have left now is a photograph of her tree, no tangible items to cherish and hold, or a place to sit and just be. Instead I am left with a memory of a baby being burried, wrapped in silk burried with greenstone underneath the middle Maori Princess Pohutakawa tree. Forever resting. Forever at peace. 🥀