You asked if I could forget what you did:
My mother asked if I had been crying. I yelled at her and told her to leave me alone. Did you know that when you are hurt, you hurt other people too? Do you know that when you are a mess of broken pieces, anybody who tries to touch you bleeds too.
I came running back to home because I was ashamed. I wanted to turn back and say 'No’ louder this time. I wanted to push you away and run. run. run. No girl ever cries after her first kiss, I did.
I waited whole day for your text. I didn't call, didn't bother you, just as you said. Five days later, I did. And you told me you were still busy. A five days absence that almost killed me. To you, it meant nothing.
It was my birthday and I cried myself to sleep because you won't speak to me. I attended calls after calls, responding with my best fake happy voice. “Thankyou” “Thankyou” “Thankyou” I said. “My boyfriend hasn't wished me yet because he is angry I let someone else wish me first” I didn't say.
You stopped pretending. Stopped talking. Stopped at the blue ticks. You said you weren't happy anymore. You said you needed space. You said you needed freedom.
A few days later, you turned back to me like an old habit. I let you in.
My mother asked me again,“did you cry yourself to sleep again?” This time I hugged her and cried again. The last time, I promised her. The last time I cried for you. The first time I decided to leave, and I never looked back. I never felt whole again.
Did you know that when your trust breaks for the first time, you never really know how to trust again?
When you are so used to getting hurt, you never really know what it feels like to feel loved again. — why I can't forgive you // disha