For so many years I have celebrated the parts of myself that were academic, devoted hours of time to growing them, practicing them and making sure I could perform as best I could in these areas.
To a large degree, I used to find my identity in this. The world is quick to praise performance, I loved it when people would be impressed with my choice in focus subjects at school or my degree or my marks.
This came at a price though, each year that I became more focused on being ‘academic’ I would devote less and less time to being creative. Dropping one thing at a time, music, painting, dancing, writing, drawing. Maybe once every six months I would make a feeble attempt to spend some time on one of these... but ultimately by the following week I would be consumed in academics again.
When I meet people, and they tell me they have chosen to study design or painting or even cultures, I feel so envious. I get so happy for them that they had the courage to embrace that part of themself, and that they celebrate it despite the fact that it’s not what the world always deems logical or ‘wise’. At the same time, I feel huge sadness. I get frustrated thinking about the time I lost over those years, when I could have been growing the parts of me that make me feel so excited.
I’m not going to live in the past, that would be a waste of more time. But I do hope that, now and in the future, I will allow people to know me as someone who is content to rest in who I am in Christ. More than I want to impress people, I want people to know me for my love for Jesus, for how much joy I find in taking photos or drawing or writing. I want them to know that I love them, that they can come to me when they need someone, for whatever reasons. I want people to feel like they can rest when they are with me, that I am no longer impressed with performance. Most of all I want God to use me, the parts of me that are academic and the parts of me that are creative... all of me, however and wherever He wants to use me.
This caption doesn’t have much cohesion, but I’ve really been giving so much thought to this and sometimes it’s just nice to put those thoughts out there. Stay wild, love you guys!