Lincoln, from the day you were conceived I knew this would be our journey. I would breastfeed as long as it made sense for us. If there’s one thing in motherhood I feel that I’ve done well - it’s breastfeeding.
Through the many, many, nighttime wake ups, through illnesses when breast milk was the only thing your tummy would keep down, during overwhelming experiences, through your first, second, and third airplane rides. In the mall, at the park, on the beach... it didn’t matter. I wasn’t scared of what people thought, I wasn’t ashamed at my choice. We owned it and we conquered any problems that came up along the way.
Then came the day. The day I decided I was ready to be done. Your body is strong, your appetite is perfect, your immune system becomes more advanced each day. Our breastfeeding relationship has served it’s full purpose. And while you still fit in my lap just perfectly, and the weight of your head on my arm while I watch your eyelashes slowly drift down as you fall asleep is still my favorite part of each day ... it’s time to start a new journey.
As I’m writing this it’s been 48 hours since you’ve nursed. You’re big and wise, and when we talk about it you understand it’s all gone now. You asked for it before nap time today and my tears came again. Your voice told me you weren’t truly asking for that. You were asking for the closeness. The cuddles. So we did. You laid your head on me and fell asleep and I listened to your breathing for an hour until I fell asleep myself.
This is the hardest, most time consuming, most emotional, and most rewarding journey I’ve ever been on. I feel so lucky to have had this experience and I will mourn this chapter in my life deeply over the next days/weeks.