Remembering my flaws, my impurities, my disobedience... I reflect:
Who was I? Who am I? My whole life I have been living under my own shadow, one that I cast over myself, one that disconnected me from my Creator. Now sitting in the hijr, you wake me up from this slumber of ignorance, revealing to me that I am but a drop in the middle of a vast ocean...a lost traveler in the middle of billions.
You are my Creator, my Lord, my Nurturer. Utterly astounded at your greatness, I can do nothing but shed silent tears for my ignorance toward you. I seek forgiveness. Astaghfurillahi Rabbi wa Atubo ilayh! How blind was I that I could not witness your might and power? How deaf was I that I could not hear your invitations to rahmah and forgiveness? I struggle to hold back tears that I know must now fall from eyes that have finally attested that you are truly الرحمن ...الرحيم. You are the merciful one who won't turn down my prayers after all the years of neglect I had toward you. You know I have none to turn to but you, none to seek help from but you, and none to find true serenity with but you.
So forgive me, oh most merciful, and hold my hands as I step out of my own shadow and witness the mesmerizing beauty of my Creator. I pray that you give me another opportunity to gain your true forgiveness in Arafah. For indeed, the one who has lost you, has lost everything... while the one who found you, has gained everything.
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