Yesterday I had a few interesting conversations with people who I genuinely value for their input and opinions and I got home feeling somewhat challenged.
I still after all this time so often find myself on the outside looking in.
Almost every day there is a barred gate of some sort that I have to attempt to unlock.
My challenge is that the key is not handed to me, I have to sift through all this unfamiliar beauty of normality and reality , sift through spaces and places that should be second nature to me.
It is so much simpler to leave the key and watch from an obstructed view.
So much easier to give up and play small , so much easier to pretend that the bars are not a prison but a safe haven. . I have been doing an in-depth study on insecurity and one of the core motifs supporting it is shame.
And Shame will swallow you whole if you don't have courage.
Courage to turn and face whatever it is you are insecure about and do exactly that.
It starts with letting ourselves be seen , not sitting behind those gates but walking amongst the crowds.
Whatever that means for you.
It is frightening for me, showing up, being seen.
Because it is honestly not that pretty.
And we all want to be perfect. To be pretty.
But see this is the problem .
When Being perfect becomes a shield you cannot ever fall. Ever.
Because then you are vulnerable.
And I was always taught that vulnerability is a weakness. BUT it is not.
You trying to be strong is a weakness. You trying to be perfect becomes your weakness. Because you will never be. And when we cut it out , this misconception of being strong, being flawless, being untouchable, we will realise that vulnerability is not an inadequacy but rather that we are all in this together,
that the gates you always find yourself behind are only there because you've kept them there, as a shield, as a backup plan, as a guard against vulnerability.
And finally you will stop your construction.