I overshare on here, a lot. I post about makeup to maintain an audience, to have people listen to me, because I’m scared of being on my own. When I was still flipping between mania and depression, a number of people would come to me and tell me I could talk to them about my problems. My friends would do the same. I’m thankful for their gestures, but it’s scary for someone to want to help you solve your problems before they even know what they are. But at the same time, I don’t want to face my problems alone. When I post long-winded spiels on my story, I’m not talking to anyone in particular, and anyone responding does so because they want to, not because they’re entangled. I feel like I have an unhealthy relationship with social media because I’m so insecure about whether my problems matter to the people who matter to me.
At the same time, there are many things I’m incredibly thankful for because of Instagram. I’ve befriended a number on people on here who I would never have been able to meet elsewhere, I mean, that’s like a selling point of using this platform. I also feel like being on here is the ideal way to genuinely keep up with people in my life. That even sounds too intimate, it’s more so keeping up with people I care about than people in my life. There’s a lot less pressure to connect with people on here than, say, on Facebook, yet here we’re still able to share so much content. Seeing people post their travels and the food they eat on their story is so intimate and wholesome! They might not give a shit about lil ol me from high school but it makes me so happy to see people around me flourish and live their best life, which, I know, might not be their best life. Someone messaged me back when my bipolar was tearing my life apart and told me they were so happy to see me living my best life, and oh boy, were they wrong. Seeing what people are up to does leave room to contact them and ask how they’re doing yourself, you know? I’ve reconnected with some of my close friends that way. I’m thankful for Instagram, for making that possible.
As usual, ABH Soft Glam palette, Stila liner, and Diorshow mascara. Pink shimmery stuff is NYX Roll On Shimmer in Pink.