When I moved back home from living in California, I was residing in a house I had built at rock bottom. I had abandoned my family, my brother, my friends. I lost sight of who I was. I have days when I look back at those 8 months and honestly can’t remember most of that time in my life. Don’t get me wrong, there were great times, but those were no match for the bad. I had ended a relationship of 3 years and jumped into another. Leaving no time to process. I made the decision to move across the country in a matter of weeks. And that decision was not made for all the right reasons. With all the baggage I moved out there with, I had nothing left to occupy my mind. And it started fucking with me. Too many times I was left alone with the thoughts inside my head. Telling me I wasn’t enough. Insisting that my life was useless. 8 months later I was at the lowest body weight I’d ever been. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was broken. I wanted to end my life. I wanted to let those thoughts inside my head determine the course of my life. .
My family, whom I abandoned, took me back in and helped me regain control of my life. My mom spent countless hours with me. Taking me to doctors appointments, bringing me coffee every morning, checking on me throughout the night. My dad was my rock. Strong and patient and kind. My sister was my confidante and hairdresser. My soon to be girlfriend was the source of 90% of my laughter. My friends checked in on me and made me leave the house. The months to come were filled with nothing but love and hope and compassion and patience. And for these people who helped me find myself again, I am forever grateful. I will always, always dedicate my life to them. Because if it weren’t for their love and faith in me, I wouldn’t be standing here today. .
If you are struggling, you are not alone. There are people who love and care for you deeply. They want nothing more than to see you live. Let them help you. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not be okay. And even though I still have bad days and sleepless nights and hurt in my heart, I will continue to live. I will continue to live for myself and those closest to me.
Buena Vista, Georgia