#relapsing

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#relapsing#mentallyhealthy#mentalhealth#stayclean#clean#stopselfharm#stopeatingdisorders#stopdrugabuse#relaps#stayingsober#drugawareness#relapse#memes#eatingdisorder#lymedisease#depression#fuck#crackwhore#girls#depressionawareness#fwb#hlfwayhouse#failure#selflove#mentalillness#fail#dick#memes_jokes#crack

Hashtags #relapsing for Instagram

When talking about life in addiction..⠀
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Some of us are fortunate enough to make it out of the battle alive, but for those still struggling - please don't be shy to reach out for help! Here at United Recovery Project we're helping people connect with the root causes of addiction, and healing through them.⠀
#UnitedWeRecover


11

I thought I had today all planned out. To live in my ED 100%.
My plan was to lay in bed from now until I have to see someone on Wednesday and only get up to make cups of tea and go to the bathroom in the meantime.
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As I write this I am in bed about to go and make a cup of tea then crawl back into bed and binge watch Grace & Frankie. (Best show).
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I really want to turn my head space around today and eat SOMETHING. ANYTHING. But it’s not that easy.
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I literally have a headache from the overthinking, calculating, trying to remember exactly how many grams I consumed to calculate the calories, questioning whether or not my food scales are even correct then checking them by putting a 100g prepackaged food on to make sure then throwing it away, and from crying.
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I hate that I am doing this not only to myself but to everyone around me, but I just can’t stop. I literally cannot stop.
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I feel like the only way I could stop would be if someone climbed in and hijacked my brain for a year to get it into a routine and rid these horrible thoughts about myself.
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I don’t know what to do. 😔
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#bodyimage


1

Gah. I feel like a parody of depression right now.
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My house has gone from ok to horrible; I barely moved today despite having loads to do; I've been incredibly tired but couldn't sleep; I'm dreading seeing my parents later bc I have to be 'ok' for them, as I cannot face their reactions if I'm not 'ok'. I guess I have to tidy in the morning for similar reasons. SH has continued; I resent having to hide it just bc I can't bring myself to tell my parents, which makes me more frustrated with myself. My food/ED stuff isnt great, but has been worse.
Earlier my brain told me I'd seen nobody for 7-8wks which is a straight up LIE, but I believed it temporarily till I realised it couldn't be true. I'm not sure I've remembered the ppl I've seen still, & I can't place when either. I've not felt able to speak to many ppl much today. I feel sad and lonely and isolated and it's my own fault. I want to do nice things & have fun, but I can't. It's 2.30 & I'm more awake now than all day.
I feel like I've been throwing myself a pity party today which infuriates me too. I hate hate hate how & who I am atm, which is highlighted bc I want to do a nice thing for my birthday, but can't bring myself to organise it bc I'm afraid nobody could/would come (which happened before), & I don't even know I could handle it anyway. I used to do something nice late on the evening before, just a present/card & a film, or a drink/chat, or just have some happy birthdays when it shifted to midnight.
Tonight I didn't & I've felt overwhelmingly alone & sad. Which itself makes me feel like an ungrateful child, friend, & everything else. Bc it's not like I've no friends or family.
I wished I'd bought myself a nice thing to have when it turned midnight. But I hadn't. So I opened a card & something from @recoveryhelenb who's the kindest, most patient & understanding bee.
And I had a little smile & a small cry, & felt better enough that at gone 2am I ordered pizza, & chicken strips to share with the cat, & some Ben & Jerry's birthday cake ice cream. Because now it's my birthday. And maybe that's my cake.
Which honestly, feels like the icing on the cake (ha ha) of parodying my disorders. But there we go.


10

Home made dinner! May look a little plain but it was delicious!
I am trying making a real effort to better my eating habits. I have come a long way from my anorexia days.
After tracking what I do eat I know I still don’t eat enough. :( I made an appointment to see a counsellor to see if we can find out what is making me relapse.
Could be laziness, maybe lack of education. But I realized that your diet directly effect your physical appearance and with my fitness goal I felt like I needed help so I found it
#nevergiveup #askforhelp #fitnessmotivation #fitnessgoals #fitnessgirl #healthyeating #macro #simpleyetsatisfying #councelling #nutritionist #storytime #relapsing #:(


0

Ein unbedeutender Fleck am Boden dieser 🌏.
Und das, was du spürst, ist nichts außer Leere.
All’ diese Blicke, sie führen in die Ferne.
Meine entschiedenen Fehler, sie sagen mir:”Ich lerne”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ich wünschte, ich könnte endlich entkommen aus diesem Teufelskreis, ich bin gefangen, elendig gefangen. Fühle mich unbedeutend, nicht gesehen, auch von Freunden. “Freunde”.. #recoveryispossible #fighter #depression #recoveryisworthit #socialanxiety #panicattacks #skills #relapsing #svv #lifechanging #lfl #fff #mentalillness


0

These beautiful locks. His bouncing curls. Everyone loves it. So thick and full of shine. To know when Chemo will be injected into his body. Killing good cells and bad cells. Killing and torturing him slowly. Hair will start to thin out and eventually he will be bald and hairless throughout his body. #ChemoSucks #prayersforziggy #leukemiarelapse #fighter #chemodestroysgoodcells #chemocurlsfordays #chemohair #chemolife #chemobrain #chemosideeffects #chemobrainsucks #badsideeffects #nochilddeservesthis #xavierstrong #nofearwithgod #withhisstripeswearehealed #relapsing #cancerrelapse #fucancer🖕 #rebukingcancerinjesusname #childofgod


0

Got the last of my medicine for eczema #drugs #addicted #relapsing #metasonefuroate


0

at the train station in milan, about to leave for venice. the pringles and the water are mine but i’m gonna make the pringles last throughout the day/into tomorrow.
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i’m going out to dinner with my family in venice tonight which is always scary because you don’t know exact counts but it’s even worse cause it’s italy and basically all carbs. i’m gonna try to get a soup or a salad or something but i have to be careful not to make it noticeable because i’ve mentioned to my mom on this trip (in a joking tone) that i wanna lose weight. we’ll see. i’m nervous.
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#food #edfood #edfooddiary #fooddiary #ednos #eatingdisorder #ed #pringles #water #italy #mentalillness #relapse #relapsing #restricting #zerocalories #zerocalorie #weightloss


1

anyone who feels shitty rn, honestly same you’re not alone in this and you can make it through this, hold on and find good things about yourself, don’t bring yourself down!!! also aakajjskaja there’s a deh novel coming out preordering that ASAP @the.banterloon ~~~
#selfcare #selflove #depression #depressionrecovery #depressionrelief #depressionsucks #depressionawareness #lowmood #selfappreciation #loveyourself #findsomethinggoodaboutyourself #selflove #noselfdeprecation #dearevanhansen #dearevanhansenmusical #dearevanhansennovel #feelingshit #feelingshitty #feelingbad #relapse #relapsing #suicidal #selfharm #selfinjury #selfharmawareness #suicideawareness #depressionawareness #anxiety


3

This. week...has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I’ve had pretty tough fucking weeks in my life...but this was a bit different, because I started the week off on top of my world. I was feeling really good; strong and I just felt like I knew what I was doing in life as myself. I told myself I would get a job and start doing something to take initiative in having a successful/productive/engaged/active lifestyle...which is a lot when you’re typically spending your time in bed/sick..mentally/ or locked away...life is just heavy with a mental illness..like any disability it disrupts the flow of your life....anyways...I got a job doing marketing...sales...door to door...like A LOT OF INTERACTION which already is a potentially stressful situation and it has been a hard fucking transition for me...I psych myself out a lot then feel frustrated by my shitty performance. get down on myself. then take things to heart. and I push myself so fucking much....I have no patience for myself and it’s sad...I do this a lot. with everything, I stress myself out until I’m just drowning in my emotions and overwhelmed and just a mess. and this week was that week for me x infinity. I truly broke down guys...it was a difficult ass week. it truly truly was....I’m still coming out of it...still feeling cynical and dark. I started to fantasize about dying and I’ve been here before and I’m so scared I’m gonna sink into these very numbing and sad and heartbreaking dark feelings so I’m very glad that tomorrow I have a day off...I need to find ways to pick myself back up...I NEVER cry and I cried sooo much this week, hard hard cries. I feel like I might of shattered one of my walls of fear...because I had no choice but to face my feelings, which is my biggest fear. And the suicidal thoughts came back, with a vengeance. I felt like the reaper was following me around the last couple of days...I honestly thought I was going to die, I felt like this is it & I’m shocked I’m alive. And the fact that I am...is amazing. I think I’m growing right now. & growing pains FUCKING HURT. #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdproblems #livingwithbpd #livingwithanxiety #relapsing


12

19:49- i purged for the first time in months oops ☹️


3

Hey guys, I hope you're having a nice day. I'm so glad to have my account back finally, I was so shocked as I noticed that my account has been hacked. But I tried my best to get it back and I did, so yay for that. The last few days have been pretty rough for me to be honest. It's more and more difficult for me to keep going, to continue with recovery and to try my best to function. PTW: I relapsed a lot these days regarding to my eating disorders, selfharming, ... I know that it's the wrong way, I know that I'm destroying the progress I've already made with these kind of behaviours but I can't help it. I can't bear my own feelings, my self image, my thoughts, my fears, my panic and my life in general. I have the feeling of suffocating cause of my feelings, I feel like I can't breathe. I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and I got a new diagnosis she added depression to all of the other mental illnesses I'm already struggling with. It's nice to finally know why I'm feeling like that, why I have the feeling that noting of the old Naomi - the person I've been once - is left, but trying to handle it on top of all the other stuff is really, really difficult. I also have an appointment at the psychosomatic clinic in Munich on Monday which is really exciting cause I cancelled it at first, because my panic of being inpatient again was too high, but I managed to get it back, so let see how it's going. I'm trying not to expect too much cause maybe there is no way to be treated there cause of my physical eating / nutrition issues, but I will talk to them to see whats their opinion on it. I hope you're doing well and always keep in mind I'm here if everyone of you needs to talk or just somebody who is listening, feel free to DM me at every time. I'm so glad to be finally back here by my amazing insta community, I really missed being in touch with you.


10

The lovely Ceylan (@redefining_normal) is doing an amazing triple giveaway of collections, one of items for sensory distraction and self care; one suitable for people currently psychiatric IP; and one for those who struggle with personal care (pictured).
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It's no secret to regulars on my page that when I struggle with my mental health I struggle with personal hygiene and self care. Whilst I may be doing better generally than a few months ago in terms of day-to-day mood and functionality, this continues to be an area I struggle with. Looking after both myself and my environment are things that I find amongst the most difficult to do like 'normal'. They are amongst the first things to slide when my mental health deteriorates, and the last to get back up to kilter.
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It can seem surprising, I know. It can seem like I'm on top of that again when I'm managing to get dressed most days, or do 'an outfit' and make up (even exciting make up!) some days a week. But honestly, that's all just on top of what's gone before. I can still count on my fingers the times I've washed and washed my hair this year. And now it's June. I can probably count on one hand the loads of laundry I've done. So. I'm entering the giveaway for items for those who struggle with rudimentary self care.
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To enter the giveaway: visit @redefining_normal and make a giveaway post, and list three things you're proud of!
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I am proud:
🔅I'm proud of my degrees. I spent seven years as an undergrad, five doing my Psychology degree, but I emerged with a good 1st Class Hons and a couple of awards/nominations; and I did my Masters in Genetics and Molecular Biology, almost entirely new subjects to me as I'd not done 'hard science' (ie biol/phys/chem) since I was 15, while classmates already had degrees in the subjects, and I came out with a Distinction. I'm also proud I got onto my PhD, and even though my MH (and other circumstances) led me to lose all my confidence and be kicked off, I still want to do a PhD one day and believe I can - even if it's in a vastly different area.
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(Cont'd below...⬇️)


4

This is not the way a teenager should finish their school year. We must stop this NOW @livlymefoundation @ticktracker #lymedisease #itsnotaboutme #Repost @livlymefoundation ・・・
Instead of being at my last day of school. I am getting #20 IVIG. My hemoglobin is very low. Thankful for IVIG but missing out on so much. We must find a cure. 💚Liv ps-the IVIG study I am on is called BioTest 991. #lymedisease #lymesucks #lymestinks #tickssuck #findacure #bartonella #babesia #potssyndrome #relapsing fever #overit #missingmyfriends


1

Instead of being at my last day of school. I am getting #20 IVIG. My hemoglobin is very low. Thankful for IVIG but missing out on so much. We must find a cure. 💚Liv ps-the IVIG study I am on is called BioTest 991. #lymedisease #lymesucks #lymestinks #tickssuck #findacure #bartonella #babesia #potssyndrome #relapsing fever #overit #missingmyfriends


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