Being in a relationship is f**king hard work. It’s not all flowers and smiles all the time.
Ok, the first stage is when you’re in love and everything about the other person is fantastically magical but when that phase wears off, you start to see the realness of this human being in front of you with all their flaws and imperfections you didn’t see before. Not only that, you realise things that bother you. But why do they bother you? “There’s something about the other person I don’t accept in myself”
The deeper the level of intimacy, the more we can explore our own self. And having in mind the fact that the other person is our mirror and that he or she reflects our own feelings/ideas, what do we do when we look in the mirror one day and the reflection is bad/ugly? When we don’t like what we see?
Easy, we turn away from the mirror. We want to look in another mirror, the one that will show us a better version of ourselves. A better reflection, something nice and sparkly. Well..turning away from that “ugly” mirror reflection won’t make your inner feelings disappear and it sure won’t help you heal them.
And I’ve come across an amazing Ted Talk with a psychotherapist Esther Perel and she says:” ..it isn’t always our partner that we are turning away from, but the person that we have ourselves become. And it isn’t so much that we’re looking for another person, as much as we’re looking for another self.” And this helped me a lot. I could explain and accept my feelings with a different perspective. I realised I’m once again on a path of re-discovering myself, re-defining my needs and wants in life. And doing this with a partner by my side is far from easy for the both of us.
Ok, so I already know that life is like a spiral, constantly moving/changing/evolving but it will keep giving us the same lessons until we learn/heal and move on. 🌷