My chest is constantly so tight. Tight enough to slowly suffocate me. I don't see the point in constantly trying my best when it never makes me happy. I feel like my accomplishments haunt me and make my life a living hell. All these awards and letters from school for academics and band they all just come together to mean nothing to me. So much is expected from me and I try so hard while I watch others just waste away their days beig happy and doing what they want. I waste so much time doing homework or sleeping. Im always too scared to hang out with friends because I just feel like a burden and that it won't mean anything later on. I envy my brother so much, he is allowed so much more freedom and he doesn't have as many expectations to fill. I'm so lonely all the time, i want to fall in love, i want to run away and come home and get grounded. I want to go and travel with friends and do all the things other kids do. But im just stuck in my room, wondering if I will ever be more than a bright mind. I just can't ruin my life, im not allowed to. So school is all i have, and all i will ever be.
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