He said, “you are a wise woman” and I remembered, I am.
Depression is such a judgemental asshole! He picks at you at your worst by holding up your flaws to his fluorescent beam! He magnifies your imperfections worst then a cheap glow mirror. He tells you you’re not good enough and you buy it because you’re exhausted of the constant, negative refrain. You then isolate yourself from the very friends, family and support networks you need and greatly diminish your chances of getting the support you need! You’re then set to self destruct mode and the clock is ticking!
For years, people who don’t have the slightest clue told me how I should feel! They said, “look on the bright side”, “others have it worst” “be grateful” etc! These messages are not wrong but usually at best uninformed, incomplete and at worst simply condescending. To understand what a person with depression goes through, you need to have gone through a form of it yourself, feel yourself trapped in a dark and foreboding maze that tells you death is the best and only way you will be free of the constant barrage of your flaws, faults, mistakes and imperfections being paraded in front of you.
Many of us would not tolerate an abusive friend but we put up and shut up about depression. I have decided that is enough.
My name is Audra. I have suffered from depression since I was 7 years old and I will not let any shame of this disgusting and often debilitating disease get the better of me. I know who I am and I know my story. I have taken control of the narrative. Fuck depression.
To any fellow champions who know what I’m talking about, stand up, be heard, speak your truth and get the healing you need because you are beautiful, valuable and deserve to be happy! Don’t listen to the religious bullshit that tells you not to seek help because any god who doesn’t want you free and happy, is not a god you should worry about!
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