I used to make myself so sad looking at old pictures of me and thinking about how much lighter I used to be. I looked at pictures like this and get sad that I take up more space now than I used to. I had genuine self-envy for past Anneli and how she was a size 8-10, whereas I’m now a size 16.
But in reality I am 100x a better version of myself now, and I am 1,000,000x happier than I was.
The girl in this picture had just lost her mum. The girl in this picture had an eating disorder. The girl in this picture would meet a man who would abuse her, and still had that horror show to live through.
I am stronger and better and happier than I have ever been. The idea that I am somehow worth less or should see myself as less visibly pleasing now because I’ve put on some weight is absolutely crazy.
My body is a product of the life I have led and all its ups and downs and it’s something that I have grown to love and be proud of. I still consider myself to be beautiful.
I work my ass off to make people living with mental illness feel better about themselves and gain the courage to self care. Whatever size I get to, whatever age does to my face, THAT is what makes me beautiful!
I measure my worth by how I feel rather than how I look and I wish that everyone could feel that way because it makes me feel so sad to see people depriving or restricting themselves so that they achieve a certain size or weight.
Do what makes you feel healthy and happy. Put your mental health first. You deserve better than to self-shame and self-punish.