Someone Tell Me What Is Going On – Darwin covers all bases - excerpt.
Cream tea in the Suffolk countryside.
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We stopped mid-afternoon for tea and cakes. Vera was vacant. The cream tea was magic. Time for an ice-breaker. 'I feel sorry for blokes with beards and moustaches,' I started. 'I’ve nothing against facial hair, but an inch of scone, butter, jam and double cream must be a challenge too far if you don’t want to look like Father Christmas after a road traffic accident.' She looked irritated by my simile. 'Say that again.' 'What?' 'The bit about road accidents at Christmas.' 'Not worth it.' 'At last we agree on something.' She picked up on the topic. 'Women are genetically better predisposed to cope with cream tea, Millicent. It’s Darwin, I suppose. Natural selection. It’s an advantage for a woman to be able to open her mouth wide, and that has nothing to do with dentists.' I felt a giggle coming on. 'How do you work that one out?' 'It means, she will be able to eat quicker and will get more to eat, and thus better survive.' I decided to lead her on. 'OK. Anything else?' 'She can talk quicker and louder, so her man will want to get out of the way and go hunting more often. That means he will bring home more food.' Convulsed in giggles, we knew what was to come. 'Very good!' I said. 'But if she talks too much, he may choose not to bring his catch home to her.' Vera struggled to control her mirth and steady her voice. She had several attempts at beginning the sentence. She didn’t notice she was shouting. 'If she has a big gob, she can do good oral sex and her man will forgive her talking all the time and want to come home quicker after hunting. Also, he will be motivated to be a better hunter and bring more food so that she will be more thankful.' 'Darwin covers all bases again,' I snorted.
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