for anyone that lives with chronic pain, you know that nothing feels better than the first light of the day that doesn’t make you nauseous.
when you can open the blinds, emerge from your cave and listen to the sounds of your neighborhood without your head exploding.
eleven years and counting.
there are good days and bad days.
days where i can’t stand straight from my back feeling broken and i can’t keep my eyes open from the fatigue.
i used to be so embarrassed by the pain.
i would pretend it wasn’t there and didn’t want to admit defeat to myself, ultimately making it worse.
i used to feel bad for the canceled plans, the doctors visits and the hospital stays, the tests and medication.
but it’s out of my hands.
and those bad days make the good days even better though.
every moment that is full of light, painless sound and beautiful energy is a treasure and i can’t get enough of it.
these are my cards, and although at times it doesn’t seem fair, they have taught me lessons i don’t think i’d have learned otherwise.
so for that, i am oddly grateful for the pain.
it’s taught me to truly live.