I've been binging on @thisamerlife podcast and one of today's show is called, "Tell Me I'm Fat." And it really hit me.
Elna Baker lost a lot of weight, over 100 lbs, and even undergone excess skin removal surgery. Overtime, she realized that she lost so much of herself being Skinny Elna and it made her unhappy.
Yesterday I shared my fitness progress, photo at my heaviest vs photo at my leanest. Automatically I assumed people would think I am happier at my leanest. I didn't think anyone could think otherwise. We are programmed to think skinny = happy, aren't we?
I wasn't happy at my heaviest. I didn't feel like myself. I felt extremely low. And I was tired all the damn time. I would cry trying to contour my face while watching multiple YouTube MUA videos because I couldn’t recognize my own face anymore.
To clarify, my after picture truly represents a more positive image of me, body and mind, than the before picture. Not to idealize, I am happier because I am now skinny. I am happy because I made a positive lifestyle change and if I can fucking do it, damn, SO CAN YOU.