I have struggled with anxiety for most of my adult life (but probably longer, if I truly think about it.) I typically use humor to cope with it. But it’s not so funny anymore. My biggest struggle this year (but also for my whole life but whatever) has been with others: my desire to be around people/friends, my inability to express that, for fear of coming off needy, the overwhelming loneliness that follows, the conflicting feelings when I see Instagram stories filled with friends and fun times and wonder why I wasn’t invited, and the inevitable association with my worth that this all has. It’s exhausting and crippling and frustrating. It makes me believe that the people around me will leave me eventually, so I may as well leave first. It makes me feel unwanted and unloved. It makes me feel abandoned. And I KNOW IT’S ALL ME, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, it is a scary cycle that repeats itself almost daily. Therefore, I am deciding to take a break from seeing things that “hurt” me, and instead focus on what is real and in front of me: family, good books, and Sophie.
If you’d like to be in touch during my hiatus (which I would love, welcome, and appreciate) go ahead and send a DM for my info- I’ll be here ‘til the end of the day. Sending love and light to you all during this holiday season and into the new year. 💕 #anxietysucks #takingabreak #happyholidays