Mental Health Week #6 "What is self-harm? And how can I stop?" It’s okay to not feel okay, to not know how to deal with emotions, and to break. But what isn’t okay? Hurting yourself. It isn’t okay to indulge in physical pain, to distract yourself from mental pain. Hurt is better than emptiness, but purposely hurting yourself isn’t okay.
I know how hard it is to feel like there’s nothing else, to have it as a habit, and to get used it. The worst is “the urge”. “The urge” is the feeling you get when all of a sudden you want to harm yourself. You could be doing anything when all of a sudden it pops in. You could feel anything and still get the urge, and it won’t go until you cave in. You’ll start to lose sanity, until you aren’t you anymore. You can’t focus, and you live outside yourself.
You feel the spot on your skin where you hurt yourself. It’s like it’s pulling you, just waiting for you. You become a different version; someone you never knew existed. Once you finally give in, you’ll come back to whom you usually are, staring at the destruction. Then the next morning you see the new scars, most of the time forgetting about them.
Trying to quit is difficult. You see the scars or get “the urge”, and it becomes easy to give in. It can become difficult to not give in, and the withdrawals will be the hardest. You quit by forcing yourself not to do it, which slowly turns into sleeping and eating less, pushing everyone away, and watching all self-esteem or happiness fly away.
Those 2 seconds after you break skin, before the blood, you feel alive. You feel like you were never broken, and like everything will be fine. As soon as the blood comes, you’ll be reminded of all the hatred for yourself and the reasons why you did it.
You continue this until you convince yourself that the fake happiness when you felt pain, was real happiness. The worst is, you believe that you are happy. You become addicted and it becomes your happiness. When everything is wrong and you don’t know the right, you self-harm, looking for false happiness. Until you snap out of this self-destructive parallel universe and realize the happiness is fake, you can’t stop. #SelfHarm #TeenSuicide