Last Dance with Mary Jane. (Most realistic cannabis ‘cigarette’ I’ve seen yet.) New blog post “Lonestar”- joshovaswitness.com; #tompetty #huntersthompson ✨🐬⛅️🌊🌈
Why is Forgiveness such a painful process? I think it’s the lack of closure that made a loss of multiple close friendships, while in the pursuit of my dreams, that laid each blow harder.
There are so many wounded healers. I’ve been blessed to know and serve alongside some of the best ones out there. I feel more of a wounded warrior. A medicine man living in his car on the ground in hotel beds and hostel dorm rooms. I’ve cried the grief away a little more with every place I’ve been to. Just call me the Trail of Queers, darlin’ 😆.
Instead of hiding Horcuxes I’ve been breaking mine open. I did not expect this uprooting to hurt as much as it has. I thought the mercurial process was all sutured up with the signing of a 3 month lease, one month’s resignation notice, and a lump sum payout of vacation days and benefits.
I’ve been healing a little in each city. Cracking open my unconscious trauma for just being a human- let alone 2 fucking decades of self-castigation for being gay, the secondary trauma felt by my mother’s own childhood abuse/neglect, & trauma experienced and witnessed as a first responder for child welfare.
Shadow work is messy. I have cussed out multiple friends and family members for years of repressed anger, unacknowledged slights, the rage of knowing I’ve been taken for granted by some shitty self-serving actions of former friends.
I can’t undo the damage done in a sudden period of acute drastic change. I want acknowledgment for the pain that was caused by selfish abandonment, disloyalty, & ego. Then I realize I’m looking at you with my ego eyes.- they separate and close us off to every opportunity of love until we’re suffocated by our own constricted vocal chords and heart strings. That’s not the way I want to live.
#beach #sandiego #blog #instagay #writer #meditation #poetry #travelgram #poet #mensfashion #travel #beach #california #travelgram #forgiveness #igers #zen #roadtrip #woke #cannabis #subaru #marijuana #writersofinstagram #halloween #photooftheday #travel #cannabis