Jul18: this one is a tough on for me to wright today, sometimes life really dose give you lemons. So hears the deal. as you know the U20 european championship is just weeks away its my first time competing in that age category and my first major overseas championship and I can’t wait. so so manny hours of training, sacrifices made, blood, sweat and tears to be at this point. when I was selected back in January i thought that would be it I’m on the team sheet I’m going to Poland! right? to good to be true. well little did i know i was at the start of a battle, squaring up to and then tackling head on a struggle agains mental illness I can’t pretend it never happened, imagining it never did is more painful than accepting it. so with just a month to go and so manny hurdles overcome i was told i was medically unfit to tour, I would not be able to compete, unless i could get a psychiatrist to say otherwise. painful to hear. one of those days when i felt completely crushed, i couldn't bare the idea that this monster that is mental illness was going to stand between me and my goals. Then An impossible decision between getting the reports which will make joining the army a lot harder if not impossible or no euros and everything that my time in the welsh squad means to me. in the end I picked the reports, my medical records are already messed up and it’s not worth me hiding things from the army which will be found out eventually especially if it means missing out on things I love. I tried CAMHS and sent there report, it was positive all looked ok but this weekend at 2 weeks to go and as i was about to kick of a training camp the head coach who was equally as disappointed told me it was rejected and they would name the reserve to replace me on Friday unless i could get a second report. another bitter pill for both me and my coaches. so I’ve got until Friday. theres the situation and man it sucks but I’m not giving up on it, yeah it really hurts at the moment but i know I’m gonna make it ive got one last chance and I’m not quitting this easily so if I do get to wear a welsh shirt in 2 weeks time it will be even more special, wish me luck, macdo.