Art by @paulathol
There are many words to describe a group of people sharing characteristics , physical space and common ground.
Sometimes, I feel like these words are used slightly too loosely
Or too quick
Or too often
We are a collective of shared interests, but isn't being part of a community come with some responsibility? Loyalty ? Understanding? Sharing?
I have battled with the sense of belonging and dissasociting my whole entire time on this planet
I believe it started at birth, when I refused to get out and tried my only attempt at hanging myself ,with my own umbilical cord.
But hey, that didn't work.
For years, I wanted to belong to a group ,but found myself enjoying so many people ,interests and loves ,that I ended up migrating from one to another and never truly threaded within one fabric line.
I have also escaped a large family of over 60 cousins, living in too close of proximity ,to a faraway land where you can be whomever you want,and mostly alone.
It has been 20 years, since I packed up the little I had and a diary and left home, family, community, tribe, support system.
And I miss it ! Quite a lot.
Especially raising children, who will never know the extent of a person dropping at their doorstep and 20 others that follow unexpectedly.
Or, walking down the street and everyone knows your name, your late grandpa and anictodes for hours on end, along with a cup of sweet mint tea.
But as social as I am, something in me ,needs!! Yes, needs to be different,
on the sidelines ,walking the line between loneliness and extra social.
I never knew balance
I am one or the other
And each time I keep remembering there once been solace in the other
Today , I just live with the feeling of longing ,on either side
Not sure if I will ever find comfort in any, or maybe find that middle ground .
Thanks for reading
#spokenword #spilledink #followingmystars #gemini #community #tribe #dortomysoul