Matching makes me feel like I have my life together (anyone else?)
I have no idea, how others view me. But I have always felt like an anxious person and used to suffer from poor self esteem and anxiety. I think this was a combination of being bullied when I was younger and just struggling in social situations. I'm mentioning this, because if someone else can relate or if it helps another person who feels the same way than it'll be worth it. .
Entering a gym used to be extremely stressful, I would be thinking people are looking at me/that I was doing something wrong and would avoid eye contact with others because I didn't want them to think I was staring at them or being rude
Being around a group of people, would make me think they are talking about me/attacking me/I was unable to sense sarcasm and was extremely sensitive. .
Every negative thing anyone has ever said to me, would circle around in my head. I felt like a victim and didn't know how to cope with criticism or ignore things people would say. .
Personal growth was possible, through surrounding myself with a good group of people and especially my partner Sasha who always gives me good advice. I realised that, the things people say to me only has as much power as I allow it. I also realised, that being uncomfortable is what forces you to grow (the biggest example of this would be choosing to work as an F45 instructor which requires me to stand infront of a large group of people and public speak/be an extrovert) which was initially terrifying but each time I do it, I get better and become more confident. Lastly, realising most people are caught up so much in what they are doing that they aren't even focusing on me (which helped massively with my social anxiety) and also, what is the worst that is going to happen. For example, if I talk to someone 1) they will talk back 2) they will ignore me. Either way, who cares, worst case they ignore me and best case I make a new connection with someone, but if I don't put myself out there I will never know (nothing ventured, nothing gained). I still have a way to go, regarding anxiety, but I want others who feel the same way, to know they are not alone!