My heart pounded as I ran to my car in the dark parking lot, flooded with guilt, worried I’ll be late. 20 mins later, I skid into a spot at 5:55pm, barely making it before closing. Rushing inside the school, w/an apologetic glance, quickly scooping up Sammy into a hug & gathering her things. I told her to hurry, not asking about her day, bc we still had to drive 15 mins across town to pick up Allie & Rae at daycare.
Frantically in my head, reviewing what else needs to be done, pack lunch, baths, dinner, assessments to score & please please don’t let Sammy have any homework. We’d get through everything & when I finally went to sit, Rae would be ready for bed. No cuddles, except for holding her tight as I laid her down in her crib. .
That’s what it was like almost every night.
Until I decided I had enough.
I couldn’t live like this anymore.
Bc it wasn’t living.
I was barely surviving. .
Any moment I could, in the cracks of the day, before everyone woke up, after everyone went to bed, during my lunch break, I worked my business. Until my income matched what I was bringing home teaching full time. .
That most unbelievable moment, on a warm August day at the playground, when anxiety was beginning to consume me with the thought of returning back to school, I said I’m done & I’m never going back.
Now, I sit by our Christmas tree, just finishing up work from home after watching The Lion King & playing games w/Rae. Looking out the window, knowing the bus will be pulling up front, with Sammy & Allie flying down the steps. Both with giant smiles plastered on their faces as they run across the snow, excited to share about their day & spend quality time together. My heart swelling w/joy because that moment when I stopped being afraid to dream, when I started to envision how amazing our future could be, that was the catalyst for making me move from feeling permanently stuck to thriving. Whatever is on your heart, don’t wait my friends, go after it, dream big. Life goes by so quickly & we don’t want to be at the end, full of regret of what we didn’t do💗