if you were here any of the last year, you would’ve been known to the wreck i was. to respect a future, do not read my past writings, to respect a past, damn right applaud that handsome of a grotesque appetite which fit inside small me (but of which i will never personally read again). it’s. pretty embarrassing. the extent of art that purged from underneath my fingernails is, well, overwhelming but, divine. confronting the urge to erase, to fabricate my own old words and letters, i don’t know why i haven’t, but, can’t.
my brain has been trying to elude and squeeze through my ears. so now i’ve eluded myself from the grating pain between jaw cheek and clenching teeth by, changing. hard to still believe we were of the same person. one mind. people often say in interviews after some life faltering impact how ‘it will always be a part of me’, but, it’s not. same with depression two years ago. it floated away, like car sickness after i poke my head out the car window. gone.
my skin has stretched softer through weight and change, but what i feel preferably is, constant. i feel.. normal. i feel full, yet that vague emptiness which plagues all humans (whether it be loneliness or lack of attention on me, etc). so i feel normal. to be less erratic. to be less obsessive over the few that climb my walls. to be happy. to battle the insecurities i have over my face once again (rather than the “superior” ordeal i went thru). i did in fact construct my social life back from its ruptured pieces as soon as i did leave this account. i can say happily i have three friends irl and i’ve been happy, spending the summer with them and my close family. i’m not the girl i used to be. but i’m back! i’m back to get myself back writing again (in a healthy way !!) and back to help me reflect on my life. also for attention. i want to start talking with you guys.
for those new and to construct a picture me, i go by neev. im 17 in one month, i’d say hopefully 5 ft 3 inches. i have shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes. i pertain most of my wardrobe to skirts and dresses and i’m a mixed media artist (w/ a weird ass photography account)